Keep Going

Hello everyone,
Miss me? Lol. I trust you’ve been well.

Okay so, back in February, one of my dear friends recommended I apply for a program. The organization I work for offers a leadership development program every year and she felt I’d be a great fit for it. I told her I already participated in the Project Management Boot Camp program previously so I didn’t need this. The truth is, I thought about it but I was scared I didn’t have what it took to be considered. She told me this was a more robust program and encouraged me to apply. So I did.

I didn’t tell people about it. It’s an extremely competitive program and I didn’t want to draw more attention to the potential disappointment that would follow if I didn’t get in. I just prayed for the best.

When the acceptance email came in, I kid you not, cloud 9 had nothing on me. I was elated! I happen to be on the phone at the time and I think I screamed. Lol. I told everyone. My parents, siblings, coworkers, friends – you name it! That night, during my gratitude prayers, I praised God for this amazing opportunity and promised not to take it for granted.

And then all hell broke lose.

A week into the program, I received word that 13 of my projects would be audited by the Federal Office of Inspector General (OIG). Then 3 more projects where added to my already enormous portfolio. Oh, and then, we received a letter from the OIG, apparently the first letter was a mistake and they will actually be auditing 17 of my projects as opposed to 13. And the kicker, the entrance meeting was scheduled for the following week. Then I discovered a number of issues on one of the projects I recently inherited because the PM stopped caring after she put in her notice. (Please note that this was just with work -I’ll spare you the details of everything else that was going on other fronts). Lmao! Have you ever LAUGHED at your life because you didn’t know what else to do? That was me.

I made changes to my schedule; turned down writing gigs to make more time for real work, prioritized project tasks to ensure nothing escaped me, created a new project tracker, stopped attending meetings I didn’t HAVE to be in. I left home early and came back late. But even that didn’t help. Eventually I shut down. I was tired, my body ached, I was emotionally drained, everything got to me and it showed. I couldn’t even write. I was done.

I wish I could tell you I had a eureka moment and everything sprung around in my favor but I can’t. There is nothing inspiring or motivating here except my truth.

Sometimes all you have to do is pray and keep pushing. I just kept going. A day went by. Then two. Then seven. Eventually ten weeks went by and last Wednesday, I gave the final presentation which concluded to leadership program. The audit is ongoing. my portfolio is still ridiculous. But I have one less thing to worry about, my family and friends still talk to me after everything I put them through (I love you all deeply) and it feels good.

If you feel like you are on a treadmill and life isn’t going in your favor, just keep going. Stay the course. It SUCKS sometimes when you are working towards your betterment and keep getting bricks thrown at you. All I can say is continue to work at it.

It is not fun, it is not easy and it is not cute but it will definitely be worth it at the end… It has to…?

Thank you so much for reading.

Love always,
The Wawa-New Yorker