Happy Tuesday My hearts!
I hope your week is going great ?
Okay so, I was minding my business last Saturday when I was invited to join a WhatsApp group chat titled “Dutch.” With the permission of the crack heads that invited me to the chat, please find tidbits below:
Ada: Obiageli
Me: TF? Wrong number
Nonny: Lmao
Me: I didn’t do it
Ada: You know you’re reasonable, please help me talk to your friend
Me: I don’t have friends
Nonny: Lmao
Me: Nono, what did you do now?
Me: Why do I have to talk sense into you now?
Nonny: Ask the person that told you to talk to me
Ada: Oby, she saying she’ll stop talking to a really cool guy because he told her to pay for dinner?
Me: He told you to pay for dinner?
Nonny: No, but he didn’t tell me not to
Me: I’m confused
Nonny: We had dinner and when the bill came, I brought out my card and he took it!!!
Me: LMAOOOO
Ada: But he added to his!!! It’s not like he told the waiter to charge the entire bill to your card
Nonny: BUT HE TOOK IT
Me: LWKMD
Me: Nne, but you offered
Nonny: BUT WHY DID HE TAKE IT????????
Ada: Bcos you gave it to him!!! Why did you offer?
Nonny: So he would think I’m a good girl, wife material and SAY NO
Me: LMFAO
Me: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ada: Obiageli!
Nonny: Kai, see how my life has become comedy! Oby will soon use my gist for her blog
Me: HELLS F**KS YEA! LMAO
Ada: Oby help me! What do you think?
Me: So why exactly are you cutting this dude off tho? Is this the only reason? Or has iwe [anger] been building and this was the last straw?
Nonny: Because I don’t want to suffer. Money is a big deal to me! That’s how when we marry, he will tell me to split every bill! It’s starts with a date, then it’s rent. I rebuke it plz! I’m from naija, I don’t do Dutch.
Me: So why did you offer?
Nonny: He was supposed to say no!
Me: I won’t lie, I’ve paid for dinner and drinks and tinz for my guy friends before… I don’t see the big deal…? I always offer to pay
Nonny: And what do you have to show for it Oby? I bet all those guys are dating girls that don’t allow to pay for even napkin. Maybe even married to them.
Me: Touché
I’ll stop here…
My friend did clarify that while she doesn’t mind helping out with bills, there are certain things (like dinner dates) that she’ll rather not pay for. She also mentioned that “most men feel more like men when they are with women they do everything for.”
The conversation ended with me telling Ada to leave Nonny alone but I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been on my mind these past few days.
I’ve been having a life-rethink for the past few weeks. People seem to be doing the least and getting ahead and it’s been bothering me.
Nonny’s comments “most men feel more like men when they are with women they do everything for” and “what do you have to show for it?” have been on heavy rotation in my mind. I’m really starting to think I’ve been falling the laws of life and I’m not sure of how to be anymore.
Please, men, help me out here – what exactly do you’ll want? Would you rather have someone who never offers to pay? Someone who offers sometimes but not all. Or would you rather have someone who helps you along the way?
How is an unmarried chick supposed to show she’s a good girl (wife material 1000 yards), without being tagged a liability or too independent in 2016?
*Long sigh*
As always, thank you so much for reading!
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Love always,
The Wawa New Yorker
I’ve had second thoughts cause a guy mentioned going Dutch on a date, he didn’t let me pay but he asked why ” Nigerian girls” never offer to pay and I simply told him that we are not wired that way. Our orientation doesn’t teach us to pay for dates. In the society today more women don’t mind getting the bill but I honestly think no man should let his woman pay. I am open to actually pay for a date on some occasions.1) after the first 10 dates ( I’m sorry but I will not offer to pay for sh*t before then) 2) only when I INVITE you out ( I can’t be on my own and enjoying life and you’ll ask me out and you expect me to split or pay for a date) nope. I once told my mom that my friend went grocery shopping with a dude and he made her pay half and she was pretty disappoint, in her words ” the boy failed it” . I know different strokes works for different people but a real man takes charge even when you want to do everything for yourself…. He always steps up.
ROTFLMAO @ I can’t be on my own and enjoying life and you’ll ask me out and you expect me to split or pay for a date) nope
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment Dibz!
True what Dibz said… “a real man takes charge even when you want to do everything for yourself… He always steps up”… very true but common let’s be realistic here, what if the guy is low on cash, will the lady allow him to borrow money to pay for a dinner date because she expects him to take charge whereas she could just swipe her card and the bill is settled. I for one would love to pay for the first and second dinner dates… maybe the third. But after that we’ll talk about the subsequent ones.
I really don’t see why you’ll be low on cash and still ask a girl out on a date. If you’re low on cash just send her a text and ask her how life is going and all will be well in the land.
But all dates don’t require cash, do they?
I mean, you can find creative ways to spend time with your “intended”. Just because Dibz said she won’t pay until after the 10th doesn’t mean every date in between requires money.
Right?
Nne in naija everything requires money oo…. Except you guys want to chill at home( which I personally think is a bad idea?, these niggas don’t know how to act in private)
LMAO @ act in private
But, but, but…
But what about things like, walking the Lekki bridge together, Fr. Mbaka’s adoration together, bible study together, star gazing, visit each other’s primary/secondary schools…
(yo, I am CTFU typing these!)
Generally a man should pay for the first date, probably second too. After that, its go with the flow…
but as a guy, I’ll also say its best for a woman not to draw strong conclusions from any particular event (“if a man does not…”), becos you just never know.
Dude might be low on funds… or might have got burned before… or whatever.
Interesting, interesting, interesting –
I don’t think anyone should draw strong conclusions about anything (not just women)… But are you’re right, nothing guarantee’s anything, you never really know
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment!
Lol! Serious matter!!! On the first date, I sure would not like to pay for anything and honestly, I won’t offer my card sef. Nonny’s statement works for some people and may not work for others. But what’s most important is do what works for you. Some men really like it when a lady offers to pay for something or share the bill, some frown at it.
LMAO @ I won’t offer my card sef. Its really “a serious something o!” LOL
Got it, do NOT offer to pay on first date! LOL!
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment Ush!
OMG THIS HAS BEEN AWESOME!!! I’m REALLY learning a lot from the responses! May day has definitely been made!
THANK YOU EVERYONE who has read and left a comment! I love you all!
Personally, there’s nothing wrong in a lady paying for the bills from a dinner date with her man. But where I have an issue is when the guy allows the lady to keep paying for everything whenever they go out… relationship is all about sharing, shouldn’t be one-sided. The best relationships are the ones without gender roles, just like the jig-saw puzzle. So Oby, possibly the guy dint have cash on him so he opted to use her card that doesn’t mean he won’t pay for subsequent dinner dates.
“The best relationships are the ones without gender roles, just like the jig-saw puzzle” Interesting… (Next blog topic loading lol).
It seems like that’s a consensus on the “give and take” notion… I think the disagreement is on the “when” the mutual giving and taking should kick it. From my understanding. the ladies are not trying to start offering to pay for anything right away. If this is the truth then guys like ones you mentioned (that may not have cash on them) may lose the opportunity for a next date.
Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment!!!
My dear! Great questions and food for thought! I also have been wondering. All I can say is let your spirit lead you to do what you do. Dont do anything for opinion’s sake so that no matter how it ends you are at peace. If one is doing xyz to get xyz reaction then one is not being true to themself or the other person. Things seem to happen at different time for all. Keep the faith up.
I think I will print this comment out and FRAME IT! :'(
I SWEAR I have been struggling the past few weeks. Comments like “and what do you have to show for it” seem to be the essence of my attempt at thing called life and it hasn’t been encouraging. Now I’m going to replace “and what do you have to show for it” with “Things seem to happen at different times for all… Keep the faith up.”
Thank you MTM! I mean that 🙂
Now you’re talking. Don’t stop being you.
Hahaha. Yeah, what Aku said. Great post! Lol ✅?
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I was convinced I’ve been writing to myself!
I commented above Obinna
I have no idea. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. There’s no formula to relationships. A man will be with you only when he wants to.
LOL right?
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment girl!
From my point of view, I actually admire girls that offer to pay sometimes when we are dating. That tells me that when we eventually decide to take the relationship to the next level, she will not be totally dependent on me. It also shows me that when the going get tough, she got my back.
And yes that’s the kind of woman I consider wife material.
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment Obinna!
However, to the point of Nonny (and I think Tasha), they don’t mind paying for bills (eventually). They just don’t want to pay on the first date…? (Feel free to correct my if I misconstrued your point ladies).
Correct. On a first date, I expect the guy to treat me and show that he is willing to invest in me. A man who isn’t willing to pay for the first 2 or 3 dates without your help doesn’t usually want to invest much in you in terms of a relationship. Now that I am in a long term relationship, and I know both of our finances, I have no problem splitting everything in half including rent, electric bill, dates, etc. We are working together to build something. Unfortunately, I would prefer a man take care of me and I help occasionally but that’s not the world we live in. A man living in NYC on the same salary as me can not afford to care for 2 grown adults when I am capable of contributing half or more when need be.
@Tasha
Ok now I get your point. We are on the same page.
Yeah so after so many dates and a girl doesn’t wanna contribute, it starts becoming unromantic. To me and also most guys I know, it’s so romantic and a thing that sticks to the heart when a lady gives a guy a treat. It’s a rare thing so that’s why a guy will never forget girls like that.
But when you are always on the receiving end, a guy can get tired of you easily.
So yeah @Tasha I’m sure ur guy will be proud of you. And don’t think he is not keeping record of that. You are the type he will take to the moon and back when things gets more better for him
Thanks Obinna!
So I shouldn’t offer to pay/split the bill for the first 2 to 6 dates right….? Is that the secret? LMAO (please don’t kill me, I really want to know)
It is my preference that guys pay for everything but I actually am in a relationship where we split almost everything. On first dates though, I never offer to pay and I won’t go out with someone again that expected me to.
DAMN! LMAO!
To be honest, I hear you…. #NoJudgementHere
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND FOR YOUR RESPONSE!
Tasha, Everything???
So tell me one thing you offer to the relationship if he has to pay for everything?